Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
