Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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