I think my vagina is haunted
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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