Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
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I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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