Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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