Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
