Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
