there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
