only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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