she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
