Dual....:-)
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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