and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
