I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
