Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
