I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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