just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
