i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
