Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
