I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
