My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize