When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
