woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
