New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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