So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
