you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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