I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
