His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so let's talk penis.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
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Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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