I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
