it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
