I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
