i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
