I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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