Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
