Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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