Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
