I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
