Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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