remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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