fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
