I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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