note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
