I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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