Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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