Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
