I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
