im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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