Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
