did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
