Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
