Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
