Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
