I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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