All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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