Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
