3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
